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Ginger Elvis

Dieser Thread kotzt mich an...

Weil kaum mehr Lustiges kommt, Cheffe?

Ich versuch mal dich aufzumuntern:

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

______

A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.

'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.

'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!

'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.

'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.

The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'

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Mostly harmless

Treffen sich ein Elefant und ein Kamel.

Elefant: "Warum hast du deine Möpse auf dem Rücken?"

Kamel: "Ziemlich gewagte Frage für einen, der seinen Schwanz im Gesicht trägt."

Alte Frau geht in den Wald Brennholz sammeln. Kommt der Förster und sagt:

"Gute Frau, Sie wissen schon, dass in diesem Wald das Brennholzsammeln verboten ist?"

"Ich sammle ja gar kein Brennholz!" antwortet die alte Frau.

"Ja, was machen Sie denn dann?"

Die alte Frau antwortet: "Das Holz ist Futter für meine Hasen".

"Ich glaube ja nicht, dass Ihre Hasen das Holz fressen werden", bezweifelt der Förster.

Die alte Frau: "Na ja, wenn nicht, dann heiz' ich's eben ein!"

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