Witze

[manu7]

bei alzheimer hat man 3 vorteile:

1. man kann seine ostereier selbst verstecken!

2. man trifft jeden tag neue leute!

3. man kann seine ostereier selbst verstecken!

vitasek - rapid weihnachtsfeier?

[Heikki]

I was sitting on the train this morning, opposite a really sexy Thai girl. I thought to myself "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection!".

But she did

bearbeitet 20. Januar 2012 von heikki

[dino0rz]

Two weeks ago was my 44th birthday and I wasn`t feeling too good that morning.

I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and probably have a present for me. As it turned out, she didn`t even say good morning, let alone any happy birthday.

I thought, well, thats wives for you, the children will remember...The children came in to breakfast and didn`t say a word.

So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent.. As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good morning, Boss, Happy Birthday". And I felt a little better that someone had remembered.

I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, its such a beautiful day outside, and its your birthday, let`s go to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "Thats the greatest thing Ive heard all day, lets go!"

We went to lunch we didn`t go where we normally go; instead we went out to a private little place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, its such a beautiful day, we don`t need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Lets go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you dont mind, I think I`ll go into the bedroom. "Sure!" I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ----- followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.

And I just sat there...on the couch...naked.

[Zwk]

Two weeks ago was my 44th birthday and I wasn`t feeling too good that morning.

I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and probably have a present for me. As it turned out, she didn`t even say good morning, let alone any happy birthday.

I thought, well, thats wives for you, the children will remember...The children came in to breakfast and didn`t say a word.

So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent.. As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good morning, Boss, Happy Birthday". And I felt a little better that someone had remembered.

I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, its such a beautiful day outside, and its your birthday, let`s go to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "Thats the greatest thing Ive heard all day, lets go!"

We went to lunch we didn`t go where we normally go; instead we went out to a private little place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, its such a beautiful day, we don`t need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Lets go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you dont mind, I think I`ll go into the bedroom. "Sure!" I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ----- followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.

And I just sat there...on the couch...naked.

Ich kann mir das so gut vorstellen

[timo77]

[Green_White Anfield Devil]

Wie nennt man eine Polizistin die gerade die Regel hat???

- RED BULL

[Steve McManaman]

bei alzheimer hat man 3 vorteile:

1. man kann seine ostereier selbst verstecken!

2. man trifft jeden tag neue leute!

3. man kann seine ostereier selbst verstecken!

Wenn der eigene Vater an schwerer Alzheimer leidet, ist der Witz leider nicht mehr lustig.

[RenZ]

Wenn der eigene Vater an schwerer Alzheimer leidet, ist der Witz leider nicht mehr lustig.

Keine Ehtik und Moral in Witzen!

[servasoida]

Keine Ehtik und Moral in Witzen!

This!

Was ist grün und mäht meinen Rasen?

Ich kann meinen Sklaven so anstreichen wie ich will!

[Green_White Anfield Devil]

Warum hat David Copperfield in Polen noch nie eine Vorstellung gegeben???

- Weil es dort ganz normal ist das Sachen verschwinden

[Dylan]

This!

Was ist grün und mäht meinen Rasen?

Ich kann meinen Sklaven so anstreichen wie ich will!

Hätt eher geglaubt ein Block Westler mit Matura.

[Nicolas_Linz]

Hätt eher geglaubt ein Block Westler mit Matura.

Felix, Peter und Maxi (Namen auf Leute die man kennt austauschbar dann is lustiger) wollen einen Kurzurlaub in der Ukraine machen. An der Grenze werden sie aufgefordert ihren Reisepass vorzuzeigen - Bedauerlicherweise haben ihn alle drei daheim vergessen.

Sagt der Grenzbeamte "Egal, wenn ihr Österreicher seid, zeigt mir einfach euer bestes Stück, wenn ihr gemeinsam auf zumindest 20 cm kommt, könnt ihr passieren."

Felix beginnt - 8 cm

Daraufhin Peter wieder 8 cm

Als letzter zeigt Maxi sein bestes Teil, dass allerdings nur 4 cm misst, aber trotzdem hat die Gruppe die gewünschten 20 cm erreicht und darf passieren.

Nach etwa einem Kilometer spricht Maxi: "Burschen, sads froh das i jez an Hoatn ghobt hob!"

[bimo]

Wos ist grün und blau und hot angst vorm Sex?

Ein Neuzugang im Frauenhaus

[chili]

ahahahaha

not.

bearbeitet 25. Januar 2012 von chili

[Captain Pluheit]

wow, der humor ist so anspruchsvoll, die witze könnte man glatt auf der FPÖ-Homepage posten