Quotes, Chants, usw.

[Kante]

Barnet fans: "1-0 to the Barnet boys!"

Bournemouth fans: "1-0 to the referee!"

Barnet fans: "Referee, referee referee...sign him up, sign him up, sign him up!!"

"Your Mum is a badger!"

Spurs fans to Wigan's Paul Scharner, with reference to his half-blond, half-black hair.

"You only sing when you're drawing".

Kettering fans to Leeds after the League One leaders equalised in the FA Cup replay.

"Shoot!"

Manchester United fans to Darron Gibson, whenever and wherever he had the ball, after scoring two goals against Spurs in the Carling Cup tie.

[Kante]

"Hope it all goes well - people will be surprised to know you have a heart!"

Sam Allardyce reveals the text sent to him by old mucker Kenny Dalglish before the Blackburn boss underwent minor heart surgery.

"There's only 10 of you singing!"

Burnley fans to Fulham.

"Where'd you learn to count to 10?"

Fulham fans respond.

"Thierry Henry, Thierry Henry!"

Arsenal fans to Shay Given in the League Cup quarter-final.

"Thierry Henry, Thierry Henry!"

Aberdeen fans to Celtic.

[Kante]

"This is what it's like to be City,

This is what it's like to be small.

This is what it's like to be a team that wins nothing at all."

Man Utd fans at Fulham find their sense of humour even when 3-0 down - to the tune of Inspiral Carpets' This Is How It Feels.

"Is there a fire drill?"

Arsenal fans to their Portsmouth counterparts after scoring their third goal at Fratton Park, which saw the home fans start to stream from the ground.

Isn't that the chant normally directed towards the Gooners at The Emirates? Ed.

"You're not fit to referee!"

Nottingham Forest to referee Mark Clattenburg after a dubious decision during the Coventry game.

"You're not fit to referee!"

Coventry fans to Clattenburg 30 seconds later after they claimed to be the victims of an equally poor decision.

Forest and Coventry fans together: "You're not fit to referee!"

"If Ledley's going clubbing so are we, If Robbie's going to Dublin so are we, If Ledley's going clubbing, if Robbie's going to Dublin, if Ledley's going clubbing so are we!"

Spurs fans to the tune of She'll Be Coming Round The Mountain at Craven Cottage on Boxing Day.

"Steam from a pasty! It's just the steam from a pasty!"

Plymouth fans to an over-zealous steward who thought he had caught a group of fans smoking in the stands.

[Kante]

"We want you to stay,

We want you to staaaay,

Rafa Benitez

We want you to stay."

Chelsea fans during the 7-2 defeat of Sunderland.

"We're winning away, we're winning awaaaaaaay, how (bad) must you be, we're winning away!"

Reading fans singing to Liverpool as they went 2-1 up in the FA Cup replay.

"There's only one Gary Megson."

Arsenal fans to Bolton.

[Kante]

"I never realised my mouth was so big!"

Andy Murray after seeing a replay of him shouting during his victory over Marin Cilic in the Australian Open. His mouth was so large it looked photo-shopped!

"Are you Norwich in disguise?"

Man City fans mocking United's green and yellow protest scarves.

"Are you City in disguise?"

Man Utd fans at the Emirates, hot on the heels of their Carling Cup win.

"You all came here to watch the Leeds."

The usual chants from the Leeds fans before kick-off at Swindon.

"You all came here to watch the Town!"

Swindon fans 90 minutes later, after their 3-0 win.

"Swindon 0-0 Leeds."

PA announcer during half-time at Walsall v Norwich, despite it being 1-0 to Swindon.

"You're not fit to read the scores!"

Norwich fans' response.

[Kante]

"He took a sore one and when he came off the park he looked like Steve Bruce."

Dundee United manager Peter Houston after Mihael Kovacevic suffered a broken nose against Kilmarnock.

"Tottenham have definitely lost a point here today."

Kevin Keegan on ESPN after Tottenham drew with Villa. Spurs should have taken all two points, eh Kev?

(Rob Perks, UK)

"We know it will be a long race until the end of the season and for now we are happy with two more points."

Carlo Ancelotti, after Chelsea drew 1-1 at Hull. Has anyone explained the Premier League points-scoring system to Mr Ancelotti?

(Alfred Neumann, London)

He's obviously been spending too much time with Keegan - Ed.

"Danny for England!"

Crystal Palace fans when makeshift striker Danny Butterfield scored a six-minute hat-trick against Wolves in the FA Cup. He hadn't scored in 52 games before that!

"Shall we sing a song for you?"

Portsmouth fans to the quiet Manchester United fans at old Trafford.

"Shall we score a goal for you?"

United fans respond.

"You only sing when you're offside!"

Villa fans to Fulham when the crowd at Craven Cottage celebrated a disallowed goal after making no noise for the previous 70 minutes.

"You're getting sacked in the morning!"

St Johnstone fans to Jim Jefferies after he was appointed Hearts manager, two hours after Csaba Laszlo's sacking.

[Noobody]

"Shall we sing a song for you?"

Portsmouth fans to the quiet Manchester United fans at old Trafford.

"Shall we score a goal for you?"

United fans respond.

Haha taugt ma

[Kante]

"I believe that Fabianski is top, top level and has massive potential."

Wenger on keeper Lukasz Fabianski, before the Pole's horror show in Portugal.

"Knowing him, it wouldn't surprise me if the old man dropped me!"

Bristol City's Lee Johnson, son of manager Gary, after scoring the winner against West Brom.

"People have to realise we're the only northern hemisphere team in cricket."

Paul Collingwood, in the Metro newspaper, appears to have forgotten that West Indies, India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka and Bangladesh are also cricket-playing nations from the northern hemisphere.

"Saw your mum on Jeremy Kyle..."

West Brom fans to a rowdy Reading fan.

"Singing we've got Ledley at the back...sometimes."

Spurs fans about their injury-prone defender.

"You're Hull and you know you are!"

Fulham fans when playing Shakhtar Donetsk (they wore an orange and black kit).

"Daddy, Daddy, help me out!"

Blackpool supporters to Preston manager Darren Ferguson in the Lancashire Derby at Deepdale. Sir Alex was in the crowd.

"Ding dong, ding dong - where's your bell gone?"

Saints fans to Pompey - instruments aren't allowed in St Mary's.

"Born in a town in Algeria, Belhadj! Belhadj!

"He fitted the Fratton criteria, Belhadj! Belhadj!

"He turned down the Nou Camp to come to Pompey,

"He's fast as a cheetah and fit as a flea.

"Nadir Belhadj, Portsmouth's 39!"

Pete Alexander (what a guy) on Sky's FanZone.

[Kante]

"When he is at his best, he is a top player - he has played at World Cups and if he can do that for us, it will be great."

Harry Redknapp on Roman Pavlyuchenko. Spurs to win the World Cup in 2010?

"He was just one of those players I just wanted to smash!"

Robbie Savage co-commentating on Man City-Liverpool, when asked what it was like to play against Javier Mascherano.

"Leeds 'the wheels have fallen off' United 0 - Brighton and Hove Albion 0." and "....celebrating our promotion winning game against Preston Dead End."

Blackpool announcer.

[Kante]

"I'd prefer to kiss a nice, beautiful lady rather than the badge."

Chelsea boss Carlo Ancelotti when asked whether he would repeat Jose Mourinho's Inter Milan badge-kissing gesture ahead of the Champions League second-leg tie.

"Return of the Yak

"Return of the Yak

"Return of the Yak,

"We've noticed you've got fat!"

Everton fans welcome back Yakubu to Goodison Park in the 2-0 win over Bolton - to the Return Of The Mac tune.

"We are staying up!"

Pompey fans after equalising against Hull - despite their nine-point deduction leaving them 17 points adrift of safety before the game.

"Does your father know you're (rubbish)?"

Cambridge United fans to Histon's Charlie Sheringham - son of Teddy - after he missed a penalty.

"We hate Tottenham more than you!"

Arsenal fans to West Ham.

"We hate Chelsea more than you!"

West Ham fans reply.

[themanwho]

West Ham striker Mido has been given the nickname "Kung Fu Panda" by his team-mates in reference to his weight and running style.

[Kante]

"We're forever reaching finals, reaching finals in Hamburg.

"We'll be on the beer while they'll be stuck here

"Watching Eastenders with their old dear

"We'll be on the Reeperbahn, they'll still be in Dagenham

"We're forever reaching finals, reaching finals in Hamburg!"

Fulham fans' response to the Hammers' "Bubbles" chant.

BANNER OF THE WEEK

'Cockneys for a day'

Seen among Liverpool fans at Chelsea game.

[Tjj]

Da möchte ich mich bitte auch einklinken:

1978, Liverpool FC zu "Lili Marlene"

Underneath the floodlights - down in Dusseldorf

all the Kopites singing - bevvied up of course

we´ve been to Lisbon and to Rome

and our team never walks alone

we´re going back to Wembley - to bring the cup back home.

zu "those were the days my friend"

Those were the days my friend,

wee took the Stretford End,

we took the Shed and Northbank Highbury,

we took the Geordies too,

we fight for Liverpool

we are the Kop, from Liverpool Fc.

Sehr zu empfehlen: You´re not singing anymore (von Adrian Thrills)

[Kante]

Ahead of his team's clash with Fulham, the 55-year-old said: "I would be more suited to Inter Milan or Real Madrid.

"It wouldn't be a problem for me to manage those clubs because I would win the double or the league every time."

Although happy in his current role, Allardyce added: "Give me Manchester United or Chelsea and I would do the same, it wouldn't be a problem.

"It's not a problem to take me into the higher reaches of the Champions League or Premier League and would make my job a lot easier in winning it."

Toller Big Sam.

[ianrush]

Toller Big Sam.

Toller Fat Sam aus Twitter.

http://twitter.com/TheBig_Sam

I try to avoid shitting in public. My feral scream as I curl one out is too disturbing for the vast majority of the general public.

There's only 2 words that could adequately describe the physical nature of my tumultuous affair with Princess Margaret in '89 - balls deep.

She was an absolute firecracker. The things we did with her royal fly-whisk. We explored each others bodies like nobody's business.

She was such a giving person. She told me if I fingered one of her stallions, I'd automatically become 36th in line for the throne.

I'm sure it will never happen, but it's good to know I've at least put myself in the frame. King Sam. It couldn't happen. Could it.....

A cracker tonight:

Used some watercolours to make my cock look a policeman's truncheon for some role-playing with the missus later.

She'll be a feisty political protester and I'll be a burly enforcer. She can expect some nasty police brutality. Right up the caramel alley.

"My nipples are so sensitive today. Fucking red raw too. Not sure if It's the male menopause or a reaction to my new chain-mail shirt."

"There's no excuse for erectile dysfunction. If you see a fanny, gents, it's your duty to conquer it like a sleepy village. No prisoners."

"I'd like to experience a fanny fart. I reckon it would feel absolutely sensational."

bearbeitet 17. September 2010 von ianrush